Original Collage by Myself.
1. I'm always late to the party. Especially Open Calls.
2. I have been well and deeply kissed by a very famous person. No, we were not acting. When I see him in movies I feel a pleasant sort of zing to my crotch. And I don't even like actors, usually. He's getting up there, age wize, but still looks gorgeous to me.
3. While not religious in any organized sense, I am completely obsessed with Catholic aesthetics and Catholica in general. I collect old medals, tiny shrines, am crazy about the witchcrafty spell casting of it all (bury a statue of St. Joseph in your yard and sell your house faster!), and am envious of the obvious goddess worship and the wierdness of the saints stories. I love them. The church...not so much.
4. I like to invent cocktails that are elegant and unexpected, though there have been many interesting failures. I collect unusual liquors. My current favorite concoction is a jasmine and elderflower martini. Spring in a glass. If Spring could kick your butt, anyway.
5. Speaking of, I love floral flavors in general. The flavors some think are soapy are heaven to me. Lavender, Jasmine, Rose, Orange Blossom, Violet..these are all flavors that find their way into my cooking, drinks and desserts regularly. I always have floral pastilles handy, and am crazy about "Choward's Violet Candy". There is an orange blossom flavored beer I tried recently. I cannot believe how bright and fresh and gorgeous it is. My New Beer. Yay.
6. I have been successful enough in my work that I am now being copied. I should be flattered, but really, I have to hold in my irrational rage. Yes, I know I am being silly. I want to crush them till they squeak. Nice, aren't I?
7. For some reason, every time I speak about the Dali Lama I tend to tear up. There is something about that man that makes me cry. I find him very very beautiful. I find the very idea of him beautiful. This idea that he is the actual physical manifestation of the god of compassion. What an astonishing idea in a world with such apathy, stupidity and violence. He makes me happy. He funds research for science to look at the role of compassion and meditation has on human health and thought. Amazing. No, I don't want to hear about what's wrong with Buddhism. Up yer bum.
8. I am incredibly, horribly, terribly attached to my hair. I have long curly red hair that people fuss over a lot. Total strangers start conversations with me about it. I often think its the only thing about me that makes me pretty. And pretty matters to me far, far too much. When I am stressed, I have dreams about someone cutting it off, or putting tar in it. I am ashamed of this vanity and yet know I will not change. If I got cancer and had to lose it for treatment.....I might consider not getting treatment. Yes, that bad, that vain.
9. My relationship with my body has always been adversarial. Trying to change that. Failing so far.
10. I say I don't care if we ever get married. I'm scared that I am starting to really mean it.
11. I have a really cool library of a few thousand books. Really. Sure, all the classics (I do mean all and then some) and lots of fiction and political/social/psychological non fiction, but really I mean a LOT of really really beautiful art books, quirky collections, rare bindings, graphic novels in hardcover, fun stuff by Edward Gorey and Lynda Barry and a huge collection of childrens books with stunning illustrations. My library is fun, and friends have asked to come over just so they could curl up on my couch and look at stuff while I work or do my thing. My mom calls it her "soothing place"...anywhere my books are. My most recent and SQUEAL worthy acquisition is Carl Jung's "Red Book"...his enourmous and lavishly illustrated dream journal, with translations and full color plates. I am thrilled. And there will be more. MORE MORE MORE. Greedy.
12. My depression is always with me. I fight it constantly. I look for reasons to continue to be here all the time. Most of the time I find reason, and I know I am slowly becoming a happier person over time....but I am scared that I will never know the lust for life others have. I envy them so much. I want to want to live. I don't know how to make that happen.